Nebraska: Winning the Lottery

A few weeks ago, husband and I went to the movies to see the film Nebraska. If you haven't seen the film, see it. It's about a father who believes he won a sweepstakes, and his son who drives with him from Billings, Montana to Lincoln, Nebraska to pick up the winnings. The father is originally  from a small town in Nebraska, and they stop there for the night.

The interactions between father and son and the relationships that unfold in the small town are revealing--they reveal so much not about small-town life, but about who we are and our own relationships.

After watching the film, I came away thinking about my own Nebraska. What is the backdrop for my relationships? Quiet rolling hills? Miles and miles of farmland as far as the eye can see? Or a suburban landscape dotted with cookie-cutter houses? Perhaps a cityscape?

You see, the  landscape of Nebraska is just as much a character as the father and the son. Silent, it both loves its children and suggests the turmoil and conflict also inherent in every relationship.

So it was interesting to read this article in the BBC about a man who traveled 1000 miles across India to collect his prize. I wondered what he saw and how his attempts to get paid affected him, his family, and his village. And what happened when he couldn't pay back the money he borrowed? Did the BBC step forward and help him? Or was he sucked even further into poverty? And how does the backdrop of India play into his story?

On Job Markets and Other Such Things

So, I'm struggling a bit.

I just wrote a long blog on the job market, and working with graduate students.

And then I deleted it.

Part of why I haven't written lately is that I worry about the line between professional and personal me. Could I write something that would misrepresent my employer? Have my voice mistaken for the university's?

The worry keeps me from publishing. And it's very hard because I don't want to blog about my personal life (I like to keep some things private), and other than my personal life and my job, there's not much I feel qualified to write about.

Tips, readers?

So, friends, what's a blogger to do?

I only seem to be writing updates

It's 8 am on Sunday morning, and I just finished reading Ender's Game. I was supposed to read it for book club two weeks ago, but couldn't make it because of work.

Upstairs, my husband's oldest two nephews and mom are sleeping, here for a week-long visit. Two boys, 14 (going on 15) and 13. Lord, have mercy! Honestly, they are great kids. But the number of fart jokes....

I realize that as my job has increasingly required me to write (I now write most of the content for a quarterly newsletter) and I've worked on article revisions, I've found these sufficient arguments for not writing the blog. Add to that how much of my life seems to be spent working, and how work is largely off-limits for writing, and the result is a long-neglected blog.

In the past half-year, here are a few things that have happened:

• My job has gone permanent, which means that I can stay as long as I like. The 12-month appointment means we get to eat; it also makes my Euro-trash life-style a bit harder.
• We bought a house. This now takes up most of our free time (and money), but it's well worth the effort. The garage has an additional room, making it the perfect studio space. When husband graduates in May, he'll be able to move his studio in without a problem.
• I got a new bike to go with my new commute (see the priorities here?). It's a beautiful Linus that I got in an end-of-season sale. A heavy dutch bike, it's a smooth, slow ride to campus. Where my old commute was 2.5 miles on streets and through one of the worst neighborhoods in town, I now commute on one bike route and a bike path that runs along a creek and keeps me protected from traffic. I arrive at work calm and cool, having enjoyed my commute rather than brimming with stories about jerk #429 who tried to run me over.

At some point, I hope to have pictures up of the house. We're about half-way through painting, and husband will be installing all-new windows soon. The current windows are original to the house--single pane windows from 1937. Needless to say, they leak. With more efficient windows, we'll cut down on heating and cooling costs and also make the house easier to sell in a few years.

Hope you all are well!

A new year, new experiences

Well, I've not posted it here yet, but it's official: My name has changed for the second time in two years. Some of you may be shocked, others surprised. Really?

Yes.

I'm now Dr. Edwards!

While this has been a long time coming, it's big news, and I'm happy to share it. What I'm eager to hear is how much longer the dreams will continue. You know, fear that the degree isn't real, that someone will suss you out.... I remember a friend of mine having dreams years after finishing seminary. How many years? Did it finally stop?

With the new year, I'm taking life easier and enjoying *only* working 40-50 hours a week. (But, I love my job, and I'm learning a lot. Really, it's a great situation to be in!) Soon I'm going to start a new project, but for now, I'm just enjoying reading what I want and teaching international students how to adjust to and succeed in the university. It's hugely rewarding, and many of the changes I'm making to the course will hopefully have positive effects for the coming years of students who will come through the course.

This year will also hopefully see some great travel. We're already looking forward to a wedding in Michigan this summer; I've booked a B&B for two nights and we hope to camp for a third. Summer, Lake Michigan, the woods...I'm excited! And then, of course, we're traveling to Tennessee in May for a few days. We'll keep you all abreast of other future travel, I hope!

I'm working on posting more often; please bear with me as I try to find balance after so many years of frantically trying to stay on top of the most urgent thing. I look forward to sharing this next chapter of my life with all of you!

Surviving the Prarie Winter

Here in Nebraska, we have a few friends who've most recently lived in more temperate climes, Southern California and Japan. When they moved here, I showed them a few items I invested in for the wintertime, and advised them on how to dress for the weather.

If you want to survive the cold winters, I recommend:

• A good pair of water-proof boots with traction. For walking in to work (it's just 2.5 miles), I wear hiking boots and wool socks. Keep nicer shoes at work; I have a pair of slip-on flats that I can wear all over the office.
• long underwear. Layers are your friend. Even if you get to work and take off that layer, long underwear will certainly keep you warm. Which leads to....
• More layers. A long-sleeve T-shirt won't cut it. Sweater, T-shirt, undershirt, and then long underwear if it's super cold. 
• And long underwear on the bottom, too.
• For walking, I wear a pair of snow pants. These keep snow from getting into my boots and making my poor feet cold.
• Ski mittens. If you bike in below-freezing temps, thinsulate-lined leather gloves won't cut it. Mittens=good.
• A good hat. Not just a knit hat, but I have one of those ridiculous bomber hats. When a 30+ mph wind cuts toward your face when the temperatures are below freezing, the fur is really nice.
• A scarf. I wear a lot of pashminas, since they feel good on my skin, are lightweight, and double for a wrap in drafty rooms.
• A balaclava, if you're biking. And maybe even if you aren't. Again, wind. Keep that skin from exposure!
• Ski goggles. I tried to bike in a pair of safety glasses, but they kept sliding off my nose. Ski goggles, combined with a balaclava, make a -10 degree day totally bearable.
  And finally....
• A ski jacket. I have the same one I had in High School (15 years!), and it's got plenty of room for layers underneath.

On Using Objects

Today, on a Sunday afternoon, I sit at my dining room table (thanks, Craigslist!) and sip mint tea, working on an article. The sun has been steaming in the apartment windows all morning, and the outside air is warm, so the windows are open for most likely one of the last times for the next five months. Winter? It's coming.

While I sit here, trying hard not to work, I can't help but think about the objects I've surrounded myself with. Handmade cups and a tea pot; a plate made by the potter TJ apprenticed with in Germany and inscribed with a lovely poem hangs on the wall next to a painting of the studio in Marble, Colorado, where TJ worked as an apprentice at the age of 17. Each of these objects tells a story, and serves a function or reminds us of beauty in the every day.

Of course, the fact that so many of these objects are handmade relates directly to the fact that my husband is a potter, a craftsman, and an artist. And I realize that this spoils me--my daily interactions are with art objects, not objects that simply serve a purpose, or objects that were designed one place and then manufactured elsewhere to cost as little as possible. There's an investment in these objects, of time, material, and the identity of the maker, and this investment changes the way that I relate back to the object.

Back when I lived on my own, I had the same mug that I favored using every day, a light blue mug with a matte glaze. The handle was larger than most, and the mug sat comfortably in my hand. While the mug was nothing worth writing home about, I loved the smooth feel, the daily ritual of drinking my morning coffee from the mug as I struggled to wake up and start my day. I bought it at Target when I went off to college; it's stamped made in Thailand. I went there, once. But I didn't visit any factories, especially not this one. Chances are good I'll never meet the people who helped make the mug. Now, that mug sits on our top shelf, buried behind all of the handmade mugs I've inherited through marriage. During the first months I used these new mugs, I'd ask TJ where each one was from, who made it, how he got it. The same holds true for our plates, bowls, and the art work on our walls.

Why is this worth thinking about? While I sometimes miss the pristine white of a well-made porcelain plate, there's something to be said for using objects that clearly have their own value. Value because of the process, and, more importantly, value because of who made them and their stories. As a result, I realize that I'm ok with owning less, and making the things I use a part of my story. And I'm more thoughtful about the objects that I use. I love the bend in the tea pot's handle, the intricate treatment on the handleless cup. Even when I do the washing up, I'm reminded about the object in and of itself (the Ding an sich?), not taking for granted its utility, and not limiting myself to considering it as an object for use or an aesthetic object. I get to think about Alex who made the blue mug, or Finkelberg who made the maroon mug that has just enough room for my morning coffee. These relateable objects add depth to my daily life, where the inclination might be to use and cast aside. Here, there is simply use, re-use, and relationship between myself, the object, the maker, and the stories that result.

I know why they can't agree on money in the EU!

Angela Merkel keeps counting like a German.

Soooooo tiiiiirrreeddd

It's the 11th hour in dissertation-land. If I were to continue the child bearing metaphor, I'm in labor pains. And...

...I just want this thing done.

Saturday we leave for Utah to go see T's family, and then go camping in Idaho. It will be a glorious time, with many many many children (we have 9 nieces and nephews!) and fishing and reading.

It's just that this thing stands in between me and leaving.

So, enough blogging for now. Hopefully I'll see you all in another week or so!

Carlessness

It quite nearly looks like "carelessness", but it's a different state of being that I'm trying out for the next month or so: my young man is out of town (he drove to Tennessee) for work, and so I'm here in the mid-west, making due with just my two legs and my bike.

For some, this might be a big deal. But I realize that I drive just once or twice a week--to go on a larger grocery shopping trip, or to bring the laundry to the laundromat, or to take out the recycling. Before my young man left town, we went for a larger shop to Trader Joe's, where we picked up all sorts of frozen food (while I finish the dissertation, I'm trying to eat well while not cooking so very much) and a few bottles of wine (to supplement all the yummy cucumber-vodka sodas I'm enjoying in the down hours). I did five loads of laundry, and I should be ok for the time being (we'll see if I wind up using the landlord's machine a time or two; with it just being me, the loads of laundry are far, far smaller), and we got rid of most of the recycling.

Today I made two bike trips, and I'll probably make a third before the end of the day. This morning, I went to the downtown farmer's market, where I bought my next bar of soap (amazing, goat's milk soap with lavender and oats--P.C., they also have honey goat's milk soap, would you want a few bars?) and spinach to make a salad to go with tonight's onion tart. While I love the farmer's market, especially the fact that it's just 2.5 miles away, I much prefer the one Sunday mornings: more farmers, including their locally raised meat, and far fewer people. It's around a 5 mile ride, so totally doable, but it takes a bit more coordination.

Later today, while taking a break from the dissertation, I went back downtown to go to the library. Thanks to a bike lane downtown (the same one I use to take to work), I can make it down in pretty good time and fairly comfortably. After picking up a few books and dvds (best deal ever: I don't have to pay an arm and a leg to see the new "Marilyn" or "Benjamin Button", which I still haven't seen), I could ride home again. Easy peasy.

Other than a few stops by the recycling center on my way to work, I don't anticipate my days changing so very much from their regular patterns. We'll see how strawberry picking goes a week from now--I might ride, or see if friends will drive down and with me.

While I'd love to go carless long term (how much money we'd save on gas and insurance!), we're already doing pretty well considering. We only fill up every one or two months (except for the odd trip to Tennessee) and bike most everywhere we can. Being a one-car household has been really comfortable; just a handful of times have we had to coordinate our days so that young man could get supplies for the studio and I could run other errands. But, mostly, it works seamlessly.

Now, back to work on this dissertation thing/beast/Satan. With a timeline (and a finish line!) in sight, I need to buckle down now so I can enjoy the rest of my summer.

The Big Turns

Not my picture. Click on the picture for a link to the copyright holder's site.

A few weeks ago, I celebrated a "0" birthday--I turned 30. Since T was going to be in Seattle at a clay conference (yes, before you ask, I was jealous, and instructed him to eat as much seafood as possible), we had our special outing a week early.




Every year, hundreds of thousands of cranes migrate between Canada and Mexico. In the spring, when they head back north, they stop in a strip of Nebraska no more than 50 miles wide--the jet stream creates a natural bridge across the state, so that birds from all over Mexico headed all over the place in Canada, all funnel over corn fields and across blue skies. While I only have a few cranes in each picture, you can't see the sheer number that gather. (Google "Sandhill cranes" and you can see how impressive the cranes are.)

At dusk, the cranes move from the fields, where they gobble up corn left from last year's harvest, to the Platte River, where they settle on the little islands to sleep, away from predator. We spent some time along the river, where a single-lane bridge crossed the river and we watched the sun sink lower on the horizon.



Sadly, we discovered ticks were everywhere, and so we headed back into the van and off to find more cranes.

We did spot many in the fields, and sat for maybe 15 minutes, watching little groups of cranes take off together. How do they know which group they belong to? Do the annoying cranes who constantly ask, "are we there yet?" get ostracised?


The day ended, and my handsome birdwatcher and myself headed back to town. Along the way we stopped in a cute little town, where their restaurant, Chances R, is the big draw.

It was a lovely outing, and, paired with the Avett Brothers concert here last week, made for a great few birthday weeks.




Now, just to look forward to the next "0" birthday, when I turn 40. Oh, goodness.

Resurrections and Incarnations

The slow plodding of work on the dissertation continues. I'm now in the Endspurt, trying to make edits before the chapters go back to my advisor. While so much has been done (the whole thing's written! It looks like it's fairly cohesive!), I see how much is left to go. The little things, the minutiae that bring a project from a decent draft to a manuscript--those I haven't begun. Rereading it to try and catch repetitions? Proofreading? I know that these will add up, and trying to get them done a little at a time, after work and on the weekends. I don't look forward to the next month or so.

In addition to working on the dissertation, I have edits due on an article. I have three weeks to turn the article around. All of the edits are extremely helpful, and having an expert read my work and point out how the article can be strengthened and how I can make a better argument--these comments are gold. Every now and again, I see the edits to my English prose and I want to object. Yes, I know that "that" is for a restrictive clauses and "which" for nonrestrictive. But I prefer the British approach--"which" just sounds better to my ears, no matter if the clause is restrictive or not. Still, these are minuscule compared with the insight that the edits to the article give me, and how they prepare me for tackling the edits to my final chapter. Then the chapters are off for feedback, and I'll hopefully be able to get this dissertation done and out the door.

Celebrities and Arrests

Yesterday, I saw that George Clooney had been arrested, and my little heart skipped a beat.

Not because I think that he's a heartthrob, but because he, along with a man named John Prendergast were arrested for protesting in front of the Sudanese Embassy. Now, you may not know John Prendergast, mostly because he's not every woman's celebrity crush, but only works relentlessly to address the atrocity we call genocide. If you weren't at Vanderbilt when he spoke a few years back, I'll forgive you for not knowing.

What Clooney has done is brought attention to something that receives negligible attention in the States. How often do you think the Sudan makes headline news? Shows up in the news most people listen to or watch on a daily basis? Now how often do you think those people are interested in the daily lives of celebrities? What they wear and where they've been sighted?

To the folks who have commented on the Washington Post about Clooney's celebrity and negatively viewed his involvement, I encourage them to look past the man and on to the murders they've so simply overlooked.

the marker

A good friend

sent us a book

It looks

delicious

because
it's about food

And he left a marker
in that book

A tiny piece of
toilet paper

Bells

Little bits of contentment on the weekend remind me of why L. has been a great place to call home. I woke with the sunrise (thanks to my internal clock set to waking up for work), made coffee, and sat to write. The rooms fill with early morning light,and remain bright throughout the day. Above you can see my view from the couch, which includes our dining room table fully spread out to accommodate T's birthday dinner. Light and bright, the apartment also fills with the sound of church bells on a Sunday morning. You see, we live half a block from a Lutheran church.

In the peace of the morning, it's glorious to hear the bells fill the clear cold air.

Swallow in the Barn

Years ago, someone told me this story:

http://www.frtommylane.com/homilies/years_abc/second_sunday_after_christmas-2.htm

It came to mind* when, recently, I visited a good friend who is going through a rough patch. "Rough patch"--you know, what we call any point in our lives (which we all have) when any number of things isn't working out right, or we're blue, or we're struggling to get on the right path.

As we sat and talked, I realized how much I could identify with her. And the funny thing is, seeing someone else struggle the way I have/do, I realized that before me sat the very reason why struggling (I want to use suffer, but that seems to extreme; I'll reserve that for the mystics and the martyrs) makes us more human, and more compassionate.

For a moment there, I realized how our struggles help us better see one another and walk alongside one another.




*I know, the parable doesn't quite match up. But it's simple, elegant.... a helpful reminder.

One week to go...

Err...a little more than one week. I can hardly believe how quickly the time here has gone by, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to focus on my work. But. But....

I'm ready to be home, too. Since, oh, say, the first night here, I've been missing T. But it was ok. The first few days, anyway. Being able to focus on my work, not worry about taking care of another person, not feeling selfish for focusing on work (me? Why would I focus on me?) After a week in, I started worrying. Am I that girl? The one who complains about sleeping alone, who can't stop talking about her husband/bf/what have you. These worries, from a girl who prides herself on her independence.

This month has been a great reminder about why we live in community, why intellectual engagement alone is not enough. We are, after all, far more complex than the sum of our thoughts.

Hopefully, when I return home in a little over a week, I'll be able to take this momentum into finishing the last chapter. And then comes the reworking--I'm anticipating a lot. But here's hoping that the work will be good, focused, fruitful.

And of course I look forward to being in community again.

Sabbath

Today was my first day off. How is it that it's only when I'm away from home that I manage to have a complete (er, almost--I still worked for an hour) day off? I slept in past my alarm, so I didn't make it to church with the methodists this morning. And I had planned to take the train into Stuttgart, but, well...the best intentions, you know.

So with a few hours of daylight, I strapped on my walking shoes (you know the pair--the sketchers I've had since undergrad) and took off. I walked along the river, among the vinyards, to Ludwigsburg. There are giant locks just above Marbach, a wonder to look at. It's a pity there weren't any ships out. I've enjoyed watching locks fill and empty ever since I studied in England and studied the English countryside.... There were also plenty of water fowl out. One poor bird kept flapping up the river ahead of me and resting until I came along again. Poor thing. Bird brain, really.Were he just a little smarter.


They have an old baroque city, and also a christmas market. For an hour so, I enjoyed the crowds of people, the smells of roasting nuts and Glühwein being served, and the stands and stands of crap. But it's European crap, so it's automatically classier, right? Right?

I do wonder who does indeed make purchases at such stands. Usually they just sell trinkets, little christmas ornaments or leather goods or carved figures from the Erzgebirge. What it seems most people go there for is the Stimmung, the atmosphere. And the drinks. Oh, the drinks!

One week down...

...and four more to go. It seems as though time is going so very quickly, and yet it can't be over fast enough. I find myself having to stop, pause, remember to take this time for what it is--the opportunity to finish up my dissertation so that I can go back to Nebraska with a lighter load and a easier conscience. Thank goodness the archive has set times when it is open, and I try to use that time to the fullest. It opens at 8:30 and closes at 8 in the evening. I get in by 9 and stay until a little after 6. On Saturdays, they have a special card you can swipe and work from 10 to 5. Today I did most of that.

Here's hoping that I continue to progress well, and achieve my goals for the trip.

Los! In den Archiven!

In a few hours, we'll drive to Omaha so I can board a plane for Germany. This time tomorrow, I'll be checking into the archives and setting up my home for the next month. And hopefully work there will be productive. To help me acclimate to the timezones so I can focus better, I've woken up at 5.30 this morning after going to bed at 12. With the help of some benadryl on board, I should sleep like a baby.

I've still not packed (!) and I have to finish up this chapter and send it off. Hmmm. Does someone not want to go? If the young man were coming with me, it would be easier, I think. But tickets are over $1200, and, well, that's a bit outside of our budget.

Hopefully I'll update a bit more while I'm in the archives, offering little fun stories about the time I spend outside the archives. Thank goodness for German work hours--the archives close at 5:30, and so I'll have a few hours of downtime in the evenings. Weekends? Free. And so many people to come visit, I don't know how it will all get fit in.

Bis das nächste Mal,

e

Mending

Today I left work to go to the cobbler, where i picked up my old leather satchel. I've used it for the past 10 years or so, and it's carried me thourgh job interviews, intercontinental moves, and through work on my dissertation. You can imagine my sadness when, about two weeks ago, I picked it up and one of the straps broke.

Fortunately, I found a cobbler here in Lincoln who does leather repair. And for a mere $20, I hope to have another good ten years of wear.

As I biked home in the cold (yep, it's cold. I now wear a face mask/Balaclava to commute) I thought about how good it is to mend things and not simply throw them aside, and how wonderful it is to repair something enduring for a mere $20, rather than spending $50 every year or two on something badly made that doesn't warrent repairs. Rather than tossing a bag every few years, I can help employ a craftsman and own fewer things made in sweatshops.